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Having the Last Word

4/29/2015

As we live and travel along life’s path, certain themes start to pop up. The older we grow, the more honed is our perspective on life and how to live it. Perhaps as younger people, we might have thought that life is fair. As we age, we know that it is not fair, but that it can be good if we look for the good in life. Life can be very painful, but made more painful if we linger in the pain longer than we need to or without hope of change. Much of life comes down to perspective – how we look at things.

When we plan our funeral, we ought to look at what we hold dearest to us. In our funeral or memorial planning, we can celebrate what brings us joy and what has changed our perspective for the better. When we sit down and look, really look at what needs and can to be done for our final acts on earth, we should take the time to look at our lives and include these things in our planning. We can do this for our loved ones as well. Too often those closest to a person are left with the task of piecing together a funeral and burial plan without the aid of their loved ones. Too often the fear of death keeps people from taking about death. Why not instead, look to our lives and see what is important to us as a way guiding us through the planning process. If we figure out what we hold dear as our last word on earth, this can also help us live our lives more and more attuned to that word. If we want our last word to be of love, we can start now finding more ways to love those around us. If we want our last word to be of honoring the earth, then we can focus more on our actions that honor the earth. The themes go on, but if they are true for us, they can hold great meaning for those who would mourn our loss.

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Earth Day 2015

4/22/2015

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Today of all days let us consider who we are in relation to the earth. Let us take the time to consider that we are all connected through the earth and to each other. We are all a part of this lovely earth, and no matter how hard we might want to separate ourselves from this reality, the truth remains that we are of the earth. Today, let us take a moment from our busy lives and consider how the earth is the foundation of the life we live. Consider the plants that grow from the soil, and how they sustain us not only with the food we eat, but with the air we breathe. Consider the water of this planet, and how without clean fresh water we would not exist. Consider the water systems themselves and how beautiful they work. Think about all the other creatures with whom we share this earth. Many of these creatures bring us joy and help. Let us consider our fellow humans who are as much a part of this planet as we are. Let us consider how we are all interconnected through this earth. We get but one planet to live on. We should treat the earth with kindness and respect.

On this Earth Day, let us also consider that with life there is death. Take the time to remind ourselves of this truth. Research and consider how you wish your final acts on this earth to reflect your love and respect for our earth. Many of us have a hard time accepting that we and our loved ones will one day die. So far it looks like all of us are part of this cycle of life and death. We live and we die. Let us today consider how we will best care for the earth in our death.

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Why I Want a Shroud

4/15/2015

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I most decidedly want a shroud upon my death. Shrouds are both traditional and counter cultural. Humans have wrapped their dead for almost as long as they have had cared for their dead, but as a society we have moved away from the shroud. Perhaps we have moved away from the shroud because people view shrouds as cheap and something the poor have to do instead of a nice treasure box (casket). Maybe it has more to do with the desire to separate death from our lives. A nice box acts as a perfect barrier to the reality of the body after death. No one has to handle the body intimately if it’s in a box, whereas a shroud allows for a more intimate interaction with the body. The body must be handled as a body, and not just a heavy box. The body still looks like a body in a shroud. No one can escape the reality of death if you are gathered around a body that still has the shape and form of a person. I think the combination of our desire to push thoughts of our own death far from our consciousness, and the rise of a death care industry, which prettily displays treasure boxes for the dead has lead to the shroud’s disfavor among North Americans.

I know I want a shroud for my burial. In the first place, shrouds are simple and inexpensive. Yes, there are shrouds on the market that are pricey and beautiful, but I just want to be wrapped in either cotton or wool, and I do not want a highly crafted shroud. I would love to be lovingly wrapped in an old blanket. When we are babies, we are swaddled. Later our parents tuck us in bed at night. When we fall ill, we are wrapped in blankets as we heal. Why would I want anything else in death? Why would I want to be placed in a box and kept separate? I know death is a messy thing. I just want a gentle and intimate burial. I want to be wrapped, placed on a shroud board and taken to the church for prayers. I came into the world naked and simple; I would like to leave the world the same way.

I do not wish to add to the conventional death mystique when I die. I wish to have a simply stated funeral. I do not wish to cover up the reality or the tragedy of death. I do not wish to be put in a fancy box to display any wealth I might have. I simply wish to go back to the earth in a gentle manner. Shrouds have much less negative space in burial. If a body is buried in a coffin, the coffin has to breakdown along with the body. In a shroud burial, the only thing left to decay is the shroud and the body, making ground settle much less. Overall, I wish to have a shroud for my burial because of its simplicity. To me, nothing can beat it. In life, I do not like a lot of fuss. I like to have fun, but I do not like fuss. I hope I can have that in death.

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Burials for the Most Vulnerable

4/8/2015

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I usually do not speak about local events in this blog, but this week, the governor of Illinois Bruce Rauner, suspended monies for social services including money to pay for burial for those receiving public assistance. The scope of the action is quite large, and will affect those who are most vulnerable and lack the resources for a loud voice in the government. I wish to focus on those who will die, and their families who will face either leaving the bodies behind, or trying to find funding for a burial. Some people will of course die without loved ones and who then will bury their bodies? When people are dying, and living far below the poverty line, does it matter how they are buried? I think it matters quite a lot. When we in Illinois are faced with an unjust law that forces us to contract with a for profit funeral director, it is no wonder to me that people are not able to bury their loved ones. Some create source-funding sites to raise the money to do so. Why should it cost so much to bury someone? It really shouldn’t. What about those who have no one? What happens to their bodies when no one is there to speak for them?

It all comes back to us and our choices. What kind of people do we want to be? What kinds of responsibility do we want to have to each other? When will we ever take on an industry that in many places will not allow a free market to bear out the changes that only demand can make happen? Do we want to live in isolation from our neighbors? Do we want to let the fear of death keep us from just laws? I don’t know, maybe we do. Maybe we do not wish to think about those who have so much less than we do that they can’t bury their loved ones? Maybe this makes us uncomfortable. Maybe we don’t mind if someone has to leave their loved one in a morgue and walk away? Do we want to be a people where only the rich can afford to be buried without paying in installments or crowd funding?

I recall a few years back that the Chicago morgues were overcrowded and backlogged. I do not want us to go back to this. What we do for those most vulnerable and those who can no longer do anything for us tells us or themselves who we want to be as a people. I hope we take a good long look at how the budget is set. Maybe the burials cost too much. I am sure they do, but that too is a simple issue to solve. Open our market place so that there can be a free exchange of ideas and services offered to people. Maybe there will be a more creative and gentler approach offered. I don’t know. What I do know is that our laws surrounding burial are unjust for everyone, and especially those who have few resources. This can’t go on. Make a change, and call your state representatives and speak your mind. Contact the Midwest Green Burial Society we can further assist you in the process.

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The High Price of the Fear of Death

4/1/2015

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Last week a woman from a local new agency called to talk to me about green burial in Illinois and more precisely the Chicagoland area. She asked if it was legal and I told her that green burial is legal in every state. I told her, however, it was more complicated than that. Sure we could ask a funeral director to keep the body natural. I have. I was met with all kinds of resistance to it. A few funeral directors were open to that idea, but very few. What I know is that when someone dies and you are left in charge of planning the funeral, it feels so easy to leave it up to the “professionals”. Eight states in the United States hinder a family’s right to choose: Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Nebraska, Louisiana, Connecticut, New York and New Jersey by requiring its citizens to hire a for-profit, private entity to take care of the dead. What would possess a state to require its citizens to hire a private, for profit entity especially at a vulnerable time? The simple answer would be greed, but I think the answer is a bit more complicated than that.

First, let us look at greed for a moment. How were these states able to take rights from families and require families and persons to hire a for profit enterprise. The simple and cheap answer is greed. The death care industry lobbied for a law and they got it. When you live in a state with these kinds of requirements, you are forced to seek out a funeral director. Clients are funneled into funeral homes where they are faced with a number of services and products and an average citizen might not know his or her rights. One can not call this a real monopoly, but there is not room for true competition in the market place either. Without true competition consumers cannot put pressure on the market to change. If you live in one of these states, you can have a home funeral. You can have a green funeral. It makes it more expensive and more difficult to acquire, but it can be done. People have to know their rights and do a lot of work, but you can have a simple funeral. I know that not all funeral directors are out there trying to upsell clients. What I do know is that this kind of law places vulnerable people where they can be taken advantage of more easily.

As I said before, the real reason we have laws like this is more complex than just simple greed. Yes, I think the death care industry has more than enough influence on the public, but does the public really want to know what their rights are when it comes to death? This might be the real issue. If we all decided that this nonsense of requiring people to hire a funeral director was unfair and unjust, which it is, then we would have the laws changed, and people would be free to choose. Our stumbling block most likely is our own sense of fear. We fear death. We fear death more than wanting to know our rights. We fear death more than making decisions for ourselves upon our death. We fear death more than we fear paying for things we might not want or need. We fear death more than we fear having our loved ones sit in an office and not know what to do because we too afraid to tell them. We fear death more than we fear what might happen to the earth with our use of terrible chemicals and the burying of precious resources. We fear death rather than look at it square on and know that one-day, death will come to us, and those we love. We fear death, and we don’t look at what it has cost us all. What it costs us is our voice and our rights to have a simple burial without influence from the state or an industry. So many people come to me and tell me they want to be buried in a simple pine box and I know that they can have it, but I know that it can be quite difficult to get because we have allowed the death care industry to dictate what is a conventional burial.

I know that modern life is busy. Who has time to look into things we want to do let alone things we would rather never look into like death? I know that the fear of death is very real and keeps us from truly living a full life. What I hope is that we can set aside our fears for a short time and do some reading into the death care industry. Maybe if enough of us do this, maybe the rights of families can be restored. The industry will do what industries do; try to make money enough for profit and to stay in business. What we can do is shine light where people do not want to look in hopes of bringing about change.

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Caroline Vuyadinov

I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity. I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people.

When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level. I became the program manager and loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community. I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences. I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial.

Having the Last Word

Earth Day 2015

Why I Want a Shroud

Burials for the Most Vulnerable

The High Price of the Fear of Death

Caroline Vuyadinov

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