The Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule enumerates the rights you have as a consumer when purchasing services and goods for a funeral. They are as follows:

1. Buy only what services and products you want to use.
2. Get information on pricing over the phone
3. Receive a General Price List (GPL) of Services when you begin an interview at a funeral home.
4. Receive a price list of coffins before you see the coffins.
5. Get a written list of prices on vaults before you see any outer burial containers.
6. Be given a written statement of what you wish to purchase before you pay.
7.  An explanation of any cemetery rules or crematory rules or legal obligations that require you to purchase any goods or services in the written statement.
8.  Be told that you can use an “alternative container” for cremation instead of a coffin.
9. You may provide the funeral home with a coffin, urn or shroud you purchase elsewhere.  They may not charge you a fee to use your own product.
10. Make funeral arrangements without embalming.

 
These are all well fought rights for the consumer, but mind you that the industry will find ways to adhere to the written rule, but can find ways to get around them. For instance you have the right to purchase only that which you want to use, but the funeral home might present you with packages.  In them they will include services, which if you want to go a la carte might cost you more like it does at restaurants.  For example, if you want to forgo embalming they might charge you for refrigeration and other services which will end up costing the same as embalming, and maybe more.  Unlike restaurants where you might not be in shock and grief when dining, when you shop for a funeral it might be at a time when you are not in your best frame of mind.
 
In every case that I have sat down with a funeral director he or she has presented me with a GPL- General Price List.  On these, the cost for coffins has always been present.  The problem with them is that many they will present you with a scale of prices like Caskets: $582- 10,000.00 (directly from a GPL).  That is a huge range of prices for coffins.  I have received a comprehensive listing of prices for coffins, but only once.  Be aware of this practice and if you only have a certain amount to spend on a coffin ask to only see those in your price range.
 
Many of us who are interested in making the death care industry consumer-friendly believe that we might need to take the Funeral Rule into the twenty-first century.  Maybe the rule should cover electronic means of communication as well as the phone.  At the time the Funeral Rule was passed, many people would use phones to get consumer information.  While funeral directors out there will give information out on the web or through email, they are under no obligation to do so.  Many would like to have an in person meeting which is the best way to connect with consumers and make a good sales pitch.  Those of us who have been in the industry know the power of in person meetings.  It places people at ease, and establishes a relationship where emotions come into play.  Over the phone or online, a person is able to have a more detached and intellectual pursuit of information.
 
Get in writing any legal obligations on your statement from the funeral home. If you are shopping around and hear from a funeral director that there is a law that you have to do X, always asked them to show you the law.  Remember there are no laws against having a visitation with a natural body.  Funeral homes have made it difficult because of policies not because of the law.  You can always have a home funeral/visitation and if obligated by law to hire a funeral director and only contact one when you want. 
 
The funeral rule does not cover rights for consumers once you get to a cemetery.  Some states have laws that do cover rights of consumers in cemeteries. You have to do your research. Cemetery purchasing therefore should be done carefully.  Know that they might not give you a GPL.  We were trained to never let the consumer see the GPL. If they tell you something that does not sound right, ask what they mean by that or what law are they quoting.  Ask all the questions you want or feel the need to.  These choices are important ones.  You have a right to make them the way you want to.  Maybe the next revision of the funeral rule will include cemeteries.  Until then remember the best way to shop is to know your rights and understand how the industry works.  The best way to do that is to read and ask questions.

Shopping your area for local sources for your funeral and burial allows you to gain information about what services you or your family can access easily and which services you might have to plan for beforehand.  When I worked as a temp, one of my favourite jobs was to secret shop.  I found when shopping for funeral and burial services as well as other shopping for information excursions, that having a story about why I was there was helpful.  I recommend that the story be truthful.  When I go out into the death care field to shop, I always say that I am gathering information for some member of my family.  In fact, most members of my family do want to know more information so the story is true.  If you want to shop for you own needs, then it’s perfectly OK to say so.  If you make some elaborate reason for why you are there, you might forget what you said and become more focused on the story than on getting facts. Once you have your story or purpose for the information gathering, you need to know your rights.
 
Knowing the funeral rule provides you with crucial information about your rights as a consumer and gives you insight to weed out what is true and what is not quite so true.  If anyone says that something is a law, make him or her show you the law to which they refer.  Know your rights and know the law in your own state.  Read Final Rights and/or get your own states laws pamphlet.  Knowing your rights and the law before you purchase is invaluable.  The death care industry bases much of its industry on sales and sales techniques.  Be aware of what you can and should expect from a provider before you go out because then you will be able to spot what sounds right and what is not.  Information is power.  Have in your head what you are looking for. Knowing what you want helps to focus the meeting, and lead you to the information you most want.
 
Before any discussion with a funeral director, they need to hand you a GPL (general price list), which covers their services.  Every one of the places I have shopped has handed me one before talking about anything else.  You can call on the phone to get prices and such, but that makes the whole GPL handling a bit difficult.  The Funeral Rule should move into the 21st century and require GPLs on every funeral home website. Funeral Rule should be revamped to include cemeteries as well, but the death care industry is a powerful lobby. Maybe one day, cemeteries will fall under the Funeral Rule.  You should know that you have the right to pay for only the services you use.  Many places have packages, but you have the right to pay for what you need and no more.
 
The law in almost every case does not require embalming.  Challenge anyone who states otherwise, and if they persist, contact Funeral Consumers Alliance.  If someone states that some sort of funeral director’s league or association requires embalming and that the funeral home could be fined, know that is not the case. The truth of the matter is that funeral homes rely on embalming for income.  In many cases, if you opt out of embalming the funeral home will then charge for refrigeration, which comes included in the price for embalming. Many consumers are used to embalming as a regular part of the funeral experience.  It does not have to be.  If you are lucky enough to live in the majority of states that allows you to choose who takes care of your body at death, you can look for a death doula in your area to care for the body in a natural and traditional manner.
 
Know that you can purchase your own coffin, shroud or urn.  I like to ask the salesperson about  a shroud to see if they are open to a more traditional burial and funeral.  Shrouds are simple things and no one need have to pay too much for one.  There are very nice engineered shrouds on the market, but you need not have to purchase one of them.  Coffins may also purchase outside the funeral home or cemetery.  Like shrouds, there are many interesting ones on the market.  If you are handy with wood, you can make your own.  The same applies to urns.  You do not have to purchase one of theirs; you can have something what fits your needs.
 
Keep notes on the experience, noting the information that was interesting or relevant. Collect their business cards so you know with whom you spoke.  On the back of the business card write down something that stuck out about the interview, and keep them in a file.  Only you and your family can decide if prepaying makes sense.  Prepayment for cemetery needs might make changing your mind more difficult or expensive. The point of preshopping is to get the lay of the land for your local area.  You can then make better choices for yourself and family once you know what is available.

We all must face death. We face the death of someone we love or our own impending death.  We all at one time or another look will look squarely at death. Often we face the death of a loved one with conflicting emotions. We do not want them to leave our lives. We also know they suffer great pain or the situation they are in goes far beyond reasonable medical interventions.  Our minds then will likely turn to the dearest memories we have shared with our loved one.  These memories cause us joy and at the same time the deepest grief, knowing that we will not have time to make more memories with them. We face their death, as we must. Sometimes because of our own emotional pain, we find it almost impossible to sit and love them through the process of death.  We then put aside the uncomfortable feelings and sit with them.  We place our egos on hold. Perhaps we cannot spend every waking hour with them, but we can give them our time and our love as they leave this life.
 
When facing our own death, perhaps it looks a bit different.  Most of us do not look at our own death with an overabundance of joy in our heart.  Many of us might look on facing our own death as a duty to those we love.  We might think that preparing for our own death is an act of love. We read.  We talk to people close to us about death and how we view certain kinds of medical interventions. We might make amends for past wrongs. We might even shop around at local death care options.  Some of us might have grand ideas about how we want our funerals to look.  We might have some kind of fun idea included in the event.  Many people who I have spoken with, however, want something simple.  As I know from working in the death care industry, simplicity is often hard to come by.
 
In either facing the death of someone you love or in facing your own death, it might be the best policy to try to keep your ego out of the process.  Think what about what might work best for the other.  I know that is easier said than done.  I know the pain of losing dear ones, and sometimes that kind of pain makes you lose your mind a bit. I have found, however, precious treasure sitting with someone I love when they are near death, knowing that the one thing needed in that situation is love. Love alone makes it possible to stand that kind of pain.  I think we would do well to remember that the connection we have with one another binds us together and through time in memories and stories.  If we can use this knowledge when we plan our own death, and funeral, we can make better choices. By all means, speak frankly with members of your family and loved ones about death and what you would like in terms of a memorial service, burial etc. Remind them how important it is for them to be together in love, and not worry about the small things like the colour of the shroud or whether they can afford that jazz quartet.  The important thing is to be together for each other.