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Grief Journeys

2/25/2015

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Lately I have been thinking about grief journeys and how we share our grief journeys with others. I know that every loss looks different and every loss comes with its very own grief journey.  I have always figured whatever it was that I thought I needed to do in my grief process was the right thing.  We have to trust that we know what we need, and allow ourselves permission to do it, providing it is not illegal, or hurts ourselves or other people.    Everyday after my grandma died, I went on a walk and found one perfect leaf that and brought it back to my desk at work. I created quite a display of autumnal leaves. Eventually I did not need to keep the leaves and was able to let them go and move forward.  This was a very personal journey for me and I did not need to share with anyone else. 

Sometimes, grief leads us to rely on others for our journey.  In that case, we might be able to rely on family or friends to get us through our time of grief.  Sometimes, however, our family and friends are also going through a grief journey of their own, and might not be able to take someone along with them.  On the other hand, we fall into a grief that is so large we must seek professional help to work our way through to the other side.  I would suggest you find a qualified grief counselor in that case.

When we lose someone we hold close to our hearts, we never really get over it.  What we do is learn to live with their loss in our lives and learn to live in the world without them. Grief tells us that we have loved someone dearly and living without him or her can be difficult.  A grief journey allows us a way through the unbearable pain so that we can live a good life while still missing them.  

Grief Resources

Association for Death Education and Counseling

Center for Transformative Counseling

National Alliance for Grieving Children
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Remembering Loved Ones at Holiday Meals

12/10/2014

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My grandma made this wreath.
The holidays are upon us.  Do not be persuaded otherwise.  For those of us who have put things off, I am here to say we can wait no longer.  For many of us, holidays remind us of all the people who are not here to celebrate with us.  Our sadness over missing people at the celebrations might be a contributing factor in our not engaging earlier in preparations.  I know I am guilty of this.  In an effort to bring my grief along with me as I prepare, I do little things to help me remember the love I have for them and celebrate their love for me in my life.  For example, I like to set the table with some reminders of those I miss.  It makes me feel that they are still participating in our gathering.  I also like to incorporate recipes in my menus that remind me of people I love, but have died.   In our Thanksgiving celebration, my family makes a creamed onion recipe that has been served at family Thanksgivings for at least four generations.  It comes down through the female line and I think every woman has put her own spin on it.  I like these traditions because they tie the generations through love and joy.  If we find ourselves without family plates or recipes, we always have story.  Stories bind family together, teaching the younger generation family history and values.  We might use a dish as a jumping off point, but the stories we share allows us to remember we are part of a larger whole that struggled, loved and lived.  By story telling we unite the past and the present through our memories of those who no longer grace our tables.  May we find peace in the memories of those who have gone before us this holiday season. 

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Public Grief: Hamilton Mourns Cpl. Nathan Cirillo

10/29/2014

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Hamilton known for having over a hundred waterfalls, lit the Albion Falls in honor of Cpl. Nathan Cirillo and WO. Patrice Vincent. Photograph courtesy of Kelly Anne P.
My husband and I were having a day out last Wednesday when he turned to me and said that the Leafs and Senators’ game was cancelled because something happened in Ottawa.  We both started surfing madly through our phones for information. Some of you may not know this, but I lived in Canada for thirteen years and called Hamilton, Ontario my home.  When I read that a gunman killed Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, one of the Hamilton Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders of Canada, my heart broke. How often I would see young men dressed in fatigues walking with their comrades up and down James Street.  I am not a lover of war, but I am deeply moved by those who feel it is their job to protect the rest of us while we sleep snuggly in our beds.  This young man was one of them.  He died in service to his country and his people.

Today, I would like to remember Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, honouring his memory and the loving acts performed by Hamiltonians in their grief. 

Special thanks for this post goes to Mr. Zayne Waymen, a dear friend, who lives in Hamilton, for taking these wonderful pictures of the memorial for Cpl. Nathan Cirillo at the Armory.  Thank you.

Earlier last week in Canada, W.O. Patrice Vincent lost his life in another act of violence.   While this post is about Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, I ask that we not forget W.O. Patrice Vincent and his service to Canada.

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Mt Thabor Cemetery, Crystal Lake, IL

7/30/2014

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I always enjoy a walk through a graveyard.  Monuments fascinate me.  Last summer I found this nearly abandoned cemetery.  I use mostly my own photographs on this blog, so many of the old monuments were interesting and I have used their images here.  In the back of the cemetery, I found these lonely markers.  Some were stones, but most of them were these little tag markers.  Today, I want to pay tribute to these short little lives that left behind them broken hearts.  I have known parents who grieve short lives, and I think most of us who have never known that grief often wonder when the grief will end and do not know what to say.  Today, let us remember that the lives the little ones left behind grieved sometimes in secret and carried these lives in their hearts the rest of their lives.
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    Caroline Vuyadinov


    I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity.  I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people. 

    When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level.  I became the program manager and  loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community.  I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

    Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak  to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences.  I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial. 

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