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Constructive Delivery - What You Need to Know

3/29/2017

So, you want to prepay for your burial. Preparing for death is an act of love and one that I advocate doing. If you decide to “prepay”, you might notice on your “agreement”(contract) that the money is divided into two columns. One column indicates the money the industry can access immediately. The other column indicates the money that is set aside in trust for you- money they cannot access unless the items are used or delivered. Usually the money that the industry can access is money for services, the other are things needed such as vaults, coffins or memorials. The industry cannot use money for coffins, vaults and the like are put in trust for future use. When the sales person says you can lock in today’s price so that your heirs do not have to pay the price of the future, this is what they are talking about. The trust holds the money until the time of need, unless they can deliver the items to you. The industry will “deliver” or warehouse items before use so that they can access the money set aside in the trust. This term is called Constructive Delivery.

You probably do not have a vault hanging out in your back yard perhaps masquerading as a picnic table, nor have you seen headstones at your neighbor’s house. The fact remains, however if you have a “preneed” plan that includes such things, the company might have already accessed the money because they have either installed the vault in your plot or your memorial you “predesigned” in sitting in a warehouse somewhere. Vaults can crack over time. A person might change his or her mind about what goes on the memorial stone. You wouldn’t ask a young person to pick out the kind of dishes he or she might want as an adult. We change our minds over time. As with most things involving the death care industry, you must do your own research. You must have a good grasp of the laws that pertain to your particular state including constructive delivery. Do not be afraid to ask the funeral home or the family service counselor (sales person) how the money is dealt with in the contract. The truth is the sales person might not know the answer. The Job of the Family Service Counselor is to bring in more sales and should not be considered an authority on consumers’ rights. A funeral director has had more education and should be able to give better answers.

Here what you need to know:

Decide if having a preneed contract is right for your family. This is a very personal decision. If you do not foresee moving away as a possibility or that you are coming to the end of your life, it might be a good idea to have a “preneed” plan in place. Getting a refund from the industry can be tricky. A refund from a cemetery even more so. The cemetery I worked for would refund almost everything except the burial right or the plot. Funeral preneed plans can be more mobile, but you must check and recheck the provisions of the contract and the laws pertaining to your state.
Decide if you just want a preneed plan, decide what you want to pay for. Do you want to have a vault installed before your need? What if it fails before the use? Do you want to design a memorial now or later? If you end up “prepaying” decide how you want to proceed. It’s your plan. Know the laws about constructive delivery. If you want them to access the funds before use, then give them the money. If not, you can set up an account to raise the funds for use at the time of your death.
This is your plan and your money. Only you can decide what is appropriate for you and your family. Do not feel pushed to do things that do not feel right. Learn how your money will be accessed and what are the laws regarding funeral and cemetery contracts. I have found the book Funeral Rights: Reclaiming the American Way of Death to be very helpful regarding your laws and rights.

#preneedfuneralsales, #constructivedelivery,

For your reading pleasure
What the Industry has to say on the subject

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Our Story - Family Stories

3/22/2017

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My great-grandmother. I have always loved this picture.

My dad loved genealogy. His love for discovering his family’s history is probably one of the reasons I love to visit cemeteries. Dad would take us to a wide variety of cemeteries in Southern Indiana to check out dates on headstones. I remember seeing huge family Bibles on my father’s bookshelves as well. He told me that people used to keep family history in these huge books. I love the idea of holding family history in the one book that was held dear in a household. Today, we do not usually use these family Bibles to keep family histories. Today we have websites that offer us the chance to check out censes in formation and more recently, DNA tests to see where our DNA came from. I saw somewhere recently in passing that it’s not the DNA that tells you who you are or where you come from, it’s those who claim you.

Much of our North American society no longer maintains strong ties to family. Once we started moving away from the farms and into the city, we no longer lived among generations of family members. I’m currently residing in the smallest community I have lived since the age of ten. I am constantly amazed when people start to talk about people and from what family they come. As a mater of fact, I love city living and the feeling of being able to create my own story that does not depend on what other people might have thought of my grandmother. I love knowing family stories and who came together to create the next generation of us. I love knowing that my grandmother, born in 1906 had a master’s degree. My other grandmother had schooling following high school. Both worked outside the home. I love knowing that we as a family have value women’s education and respect the work they do inside and outside the home. These stories among the rest have helped to form who I am and how I see the world.

Whether we grow up in a small community or a large city, these family stories and knowing where we come from can help us understand so much in our lives. Some of us do not have the gift of having a family who loves to share stories. Some of us do not know our “back-stories”. Maybe we have chosen to set off on our own, and do not wish to be tethered to the story we came with. In these cases, our stories we live can become the beginning of a new story and a new family of our making. I love the idea that whoever claims us becomes our family. At the core, family is about love, sharing and community. The formation of whatever family we belong to becomes part of who we are.

Preserving these stories for those who come after us, and who might love knowing how they came to be a part of the story becomes so important. We might not have huge family Bibles. We might not have many family photos. Most of us have digital means to preserve our stories as well as the old fashioned ways. Remember with everything else, if it exists in only one place it does not really exist. Tell the stories, so those who hear can remember. Write the stories, so those who come after can still have access to them. Preserve them digitally and if you can in their original forms. Honor those who claim us as their own, and claim others along the road. In the end, the stories we make become part of the larger whole, which is family, and community. These last longer than we do and can carry our stories along to the next generation.

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Still Work to Do

3/15/2017

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Last week I was sharing with someone about my dog’s death and how I demanded the body so I could bury him in our garden. This man’s eyes got very big and he looked uncomfortable. I said to him, “What do you think might happen?” He said, “I don’t know!” I did not press the topic further because I have learned that people will ask when they are ready to know, and that death is a tough topic for many people. I am always surprised by people’s distressed reaction to the simple things surrounding death care. For that reason, an industry has grown up to assist people with death and the many details that come along with dealing with it.

I find the conventional death care industry a strange place. The industry grew up around the urbanization of North America. People left the farms and moved to the cities. Their homes became smaller so they could not hold their wakes. They also did not have much in the way of land to bury their loved ones. The industry moved in to fill the need. I find the notion of a funeral director a curious one. I get that people need assistance when their loved one dies. There are many details that must be attended to at the time of death. When someone we love dies, many of us go to a funeral director that eier comes recommended to us or to one that our family has used before. Most of us do not preshop and find a director who will suit our needs. Often the person we hand over the details of our loved ones death is someone we do not know well.

What is so lacking in much of the North American view on death care is community. Few pastors go with the family to a funeral director or even hold their own meeting to have a conversation about what might be expected in a particular faith community. Many North Americans are not connected to a spiritual community or service community at all and are left to figure things out on their own. I don’t know what solution to offer. We live in a fractured society. Many people feel disenfranchised so much in their everyday life. Many have no idea what options they do have at the time of death. The alternative death care industry has a lot of work to do. We must keep on educating the public when we can and as often as we can.

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Our Life Stories

3/8/2017

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Intellectually we all know that one day we will die. In our minds we all know this. For many of us the topic of death is not an easy topic to think about let alone talk about. Even when life is rough, and life can become very rough, most of us want to keep on living. This knowledge that we will one day die is just not the most comfortable thought. This is probably why so many do not plan for their death. There are many ways to plan for one’s death. You can make the plans for who will care for your body and what will happen to it. You can plan for the memorial service or event. What most folks do not consider is that planning for your death can be planning for your life.

What does that mean? We live our lives sometimes from moment to moment. We do not always take the time to look at each moment our lives as part of a whole. Sometimes it can be helpful to take a step back and look at the major events in our lives and see what we learned from them or what motivated our choices that lead to those events. In doing this, we might be able to see our core values. Are we motivated by acquiring knowledge? Do we have a real passion for beauty? Do we love to acquire things? Are we very protective of those we love? What dreams have we dreamed and how have they played out in our lives? What kinds of things hinder us? What kinds of things do we allow to hinder us? These are what will make up the stories told about us when we die. What kind of story do we want to leave behind? That is the real question. While no one can control what other people think of us, we can hope to leave behind good stories that people will share once we are gone. We might as well try to make our lives the kind of story we want told. Granted, sometimes life gives us a strange and wonderfully difficult turn, but it is what we do with these roadblocks and in some cases tragedies that makes us who we are and shows our true character. Perhaps, we can take the time and have a look at our life so far and see what kind of story we are leaving behind and if this is the kind of story we want told.

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Small Anniversaries

3/1/2017

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Today is my father’s name’s day, St David of Wales. He loved St. David for as long as I can remember. Every March I (St. David’s Day) Dad would bring home daffodils to the house and we would remember St. David of Wales. When he and mom went to Wales the time they spent at St. David’s was always so very important to both of them. When Dad became an Orthodox priest, he took the name David in honor of this saint. Today is a day I remember my daddy. Some other days I set aside for memorial are mixed. Dad died in June - the month of his birth, and Father’s Day. It’s a rough month. In June, all his natural days of remembrance come on top of each other that often times I do not feel I have little a chance to catch my breath and move forward. Today is the day I like to remember my daddy. For me it is a more quiet day of memory when I can take my time and feel my way through it. I buy daffodils and remember my dad as my dad and all his funny whimsical ways. Sometimes we can take the time and remember those we love when there’s little pressure to do so. Sometimes the anniversary of the death or birthday can be so difficult. Sometimes it can be nice to set aside a time where all we need do is to remember the person we love because we love them and nothing more.

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Caroline Vuyadinov

I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity. I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people.

When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level. I became the program manager and loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community. I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences. I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial.

Constructive Delivery - What You Need to Know

Our Story - Family Stories

Still Work to Do

Our Life Stories

Small Anniversaries

Caroline Vuyadinov

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