I loved having breakfast with my granddad Lynch because I knew I would hear stories and jokes.  That man loved his breakfast! One story he loved telling over and over again was about his granddad.  His granddad would come downstairs (possibly with a hangover, but he never mentioned that) and my granddad would pour him a cup of coffee.  He would set the coffee in the saucer and begin pouring.  My Granddad keep pouring until the coffee overflowed the cup and filled the saucer.  Then my great great granddad would say, “Dats enough!” My granddad would laugh and laugh and laugh every time.  He introduced me to his granddad, Johnny Lynch through this story.  My family would go on to tell many, many stories about this sharpshooter from the Civil War and cousin to the president.  Some stories I heard only as an adult because Johnny was quite the character.
 
My father-in-law died before our first child was born.  I knew I wanted our children to know him because he had such a rich life. I made a promise to myself that I would tell our children all the stories of his life, but like Johnny I might have to hold a few back until they reached adulthood.  My father-in-law had an amazing life.  He overcame immense obstacles and created a life for his family in North America.  At fourteen, he left home to become a blacksmith.  Later he joined the Yugoslavian army. One day my father-in-law found that he could no longer be part of the communist country and tried to defect. He was found out and thrown into prison for three years.  When Tata got out, he tried again and this time was successful.   The man, who could not go to school because he family was too poor for shoes, read a book on his way to Australia on how to weld.  One day a man came to a gathering of workers in Australia asking if anyone of the men had skills.  My father-in-law said he could weld. He demonstrated for the man and that was how he became a welder.   I loved him so much.
 
We tell our children family stories so they know members of the family who have come before them.  We tell stories because we see ourselves in these stories and maybe our children will as well.  We tell stories because we hope maybe we might have just a bit of their strength.  It goes deeper than just that, we tell stories to remember our loved one, and keep them close to us.  I know people only through the stories that are told about them. For the moment of the story, those we love and are no longer able to be at our tables are alive. These stories bind us together and make us family, connecting us through out time.

I am often asked. “What is green burial?”  I tell them simply that green burial is burial with a natural body in a biodegradable container such as a coffin or shroud and no vault.  Then the next question comes then, “What is the difference between green, natural and conservation burial?”  Those are a matter of degree and perspective. The Green Burial Council has set standards for which service providers must adhere to for certification.  In setting the standards, they have set the names for the different levels for cemeteries and other death care providers.  Can a person have a green burial without using a certified provider?  Yes, but you need to do your homework and ask questions.  I recommend doing this for a certified provider as well.  One always needs to ask questions and research when deciding which service provider you want to use.  Then I am asked, “Is it hard to get a green burial?”  Often times, one has a very difficult time these days finding a green burial.
 
So why is it hard to have a green burial? Status Quo is a huge reason that having a green or natural burial is so difficult.  To be honest, at the time of a loved one’s death, many of us find it so hard to get through with all the details that must be taken care of.  Sometimes it is just easier to do what has been done in the past than to make a change.  Even though natural or green burial is traditional and has been for generations until the middle of the twentieth century, we now face now the social convention of embalming or now even more conventional, cremation.  It may not matter that what you really want is traditional; it might be very hard to get because most people are not getting a green burial these days.  Things are changing, but maybe not fast enough for you or me.
 
The scarcity of these services contributes to how difficult it is for the average person to obtain a green burial.  Many people do not have a green certified cemetery or burial ground within driving distance.  Many do not have a cemetery, which even allows for the option of having a somewhat green burial.  Many of those uncertified cemeteries do not have standards for their “green: burial.  On the other hand, some uncertified green cemeteries do adhere to the standards put forth from the Green Burial Council, but are not certified yet.  These are those that have found the process to be very difficult to document or too expensive for the cemetery to do. This is why you must always ask the questions for the service providers you wish to engage.
 
Even if you have a certified green cemetery in you area that does not mean you will like how they have interpreted these standards. For example, the standards for memorialization for a green burial states that stones must be locally sourced, and they should not impeded the viewscape.  That just means the stones should not stand up or look out of place on the land.  Some certified cemeteries and burial grounds use GPS coordinates or have a central memorial stone on which they will place the names and maybe the dates of those who are buried.  You might want a local stone on your grave, but this particular cemetery will not allow that.  Interpretation of standards goes to other service providers as well.  I have called and spoken with each green certified funeral director in my area, and I found only one to my liking.  He was open, honest about the process, and was genuinely interested in doing what the family wanted, and not just following convention.  Always, always ask your questions and figure out what will best work for you and your family.
 
What are the solutions? First, we need not be afraid to talk openly about death.  Death is not a dirty word.  We need to stop closeting death. We need to market green burial better.  When explained, many people become interested in natural burial.  It is simple and should not cost as much as a conventional embalmed, casketed and vaulted burial.  People are genuinely open to the concept of natural burial, but they just do not have easy access to it.  The alternative death care industry has made it easier for people to discuss options and this will create a new marketplace. What do we do now until the change comes?  Well, we do our best to help the change.  In the first place the availability of land for this purpose causes many people to turn to a conventional cemetery.  If the place where they will bury their loved does not even have a green option, then the cycle of conventional burial continues. Perhaps spiritual communities can set aside land for this purpose within their own communities.  Some suggest people create cooperative cemeteries for natural burial. I like these ideas, but running a burial ground can be difficult. Municipalities, who have already set aside land for burial, could set aside some of that land for green burials.  Some of our poorest citizens use these plots and I see no reason to add to their financial strain, and then many of us could have easier access to a green burial.  Change will come.  Change has already begun.  In  asking questions of death care providers we can help reshape the market place.  In doing so, maybe we can make our last act on this planet one helps the earth and those who come after us.

Many folks no longer wish to follow conventional or traditional lives.  One of the easiest ways to see this change is in the way the family structure has changed so dramatically in the last several decades. While the family structures change, people also seek out more traditional ways in other aspects of life. People are now embracing those who craft anything from furniture to cheese as the high standard of value.  People now use heirloom seeds, non-GMO products and even farm fresh eggs and milk.  Perhaps our parents and grandparents valued industrialized products like Tang, but we look back to things that worked well in our communities and society as a whole before industrialized products became the paragon. People want a balance between the dramatic social changes and the traditional ways of life. The alternative death care industry took root in this milieu. 
 
My hope has always been that the conventional industry would change or step aside to allow people the kind of ending they desire. The fact of the matter is that the conventional industry currently has enjoyed a certain level of privilege.  They have a strong government lobby, and continue to influence states to change laws that only benefit themselves and not the citizenry.  Once power and privilege becomes the norm, the shifting back of that power can prove to be quite difficult.  The conventional death care industry sees the alternative industry as a threat. In truth it is a threat, a real threat. People do not want the government making laws that do not allow their bodies to be cared for by whom and in the manner of their choosing. The conventional industry would like things to remain the same as they have for the last fifty or so years. Change must come and it must come through education and action.  It’s hard to turn back what looks seems like an ocean of power and establishment, but we can and must change the ways we care for the dead and dying. Many of us no longer wish to be kings and queens under the earth.  We do not wish to pollute the earth with our bodies. We just want control over our lives and bodies in a gentle and dignified manner.

My father was dying.  I lived twelve hours away in Canada when my sister called me to tell me his body was shutting down.  I told her that Dad and I were good, but we were going to get in the car and get there as soon as we could.  The thing of it was that just weeks before Dad fell the last time, he and I had a most pivotal conversation.  My cousin had just been diagnosed with cancer and he and I were talking about that and how we needed to support her. He told me he had just has a conversation with a dying friend who told him love was all there really was. We needed to love our dear ones more when they are facing a crisis. Dad and I had had our final conversation that day.  We would talk through the months after his last fall and subsequent surgeries, but never would we again have a deeply meaningful conversation about life.  Love was all there really was.
 
On a much broader scale, we need to find a way to live so that we are ok with each other because we never know when we are having our final conversation with someone.  Death can come at any moment.  We never really know what will come our way.  My father was in good health the day we had that conversation, but my cousin has lived many cancer free years.  One never knows, so perhaps we need to look at our lives a bit more closely.  Maybe we need to love those we are with more, try to mend fences that can be mended and let go of things we need not hold on to anymore.  Maybe we can live a clearer life and that might make all the difference.

Spring is in the air and many begin to think about cleaning our homes.  For some of us this might be a more difficult task especially if we like to cling onto items that hold sentimental meaning for us.  I am one such person, but five years ago when my mother-in-law died and I was tasked with cleaning out her home. I had an epiphany.  I realized that at death what remains behind are these physical bits and pieces of our lives that might hold significant meaning for us, but might not hold a lot of meaning for those who are clearing out our things.  My mother-in-law was neat and tidy.  She did not hang on to things and the things she had were lovely.  I miss her dearly.   Choosing what to keep, what to share with those she loved, and what needed to be donated or sold was exhausting and at times overwhelming.
 
Not long after her house sold, I had to pack up our home in Canada for a move to the US.  I was ready to let go of so much, but did not know how.  I got professional help from a professional organizer.  I am so glad I did.  Things were donated, recycled, thrown away in a dumpster or kept.  How I loved that dumpster!  On the heels of having cleaned out my mother-in-law’s home, I had a new perspective and was able to see the material things in a new light. I loved the feeling of letting go to things.  It felt light and freeing.
 
It has been five years and I know it is time for another purge.  Many things in our house need a new home, a place where those things can be loved and appreciated.  I am looking towards this spring with a renewed feeling of letting go.  We talk of carbon footprints, but we also need to talk about our stuff.  If we do not need something, maybe someone else does.  If something no longer functions for us, we need to let it go.  Someday, someone will be going through our things and wondering what to do with it.  Maybe we need to be kind to them and let go of some stuff before they have to.  In the end it really is a kind thing to do.