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Take Your Time

2/22/2017

I love speaking with people who are interested in knowing more about their rights and green burial. Last week I received such a call from a woman who needed information quickly. They had intended to prepare for their loved one’s death, but they did not have the time they had hoped for. I gave her the local information I had, but the one thing I most wanted the person to know was to take whatever time the family needed to make the decisions. Even when death comes suddenly, we can take some time to figure out what needs to happen for the person’s final details. Final details can overwhelm easily. The industry takes the position of the authority. They have been trained this way. The fact of the matter is they are not. The family remains the true authority in terms of planning your loved one’s memorial.

Take a breath before diving into the myriad of details that must be decided upon. If you have already engaged a funeral home, a person’s body can be refrigerated for weeks if not almost indefinitely. You do not need to make decisions within two days or less. Pressure to make quick decision comes because the industry would like to move the process along. They want you to have a sense of urgency when making your decisions. Do not let the industry bully your family into making decisions you just don’t want to make. Do not let them tell you the family needs to accept certain details because it is part of a package. Sometimes religious or spiritual reasons make it necessary for moving at a faster pace. If this is the case, then I hope the community already knows how to handle these decisions. If you want to wait for another family member to arrive to help you with the process, take the time and wait. This time should be for the family and not a time for allowing the death care industry tell you what you need to do or for them to hand you package deals when you might not want the package. If you need to take a break and talk before signing any contract for service, take the time. Death care should be about making the family comfortable with the choices they must make and not about rushing. Breathe, take your time and then decide. Few of us find making final decisions about our loved one an easy process. Many of us would rather just get on with the process, but sometimes we need to take a moment and think about what is best to make a fitting memorial for our loved one.
#preplanningfunerals, #howtoshopforfunerals, #deathcareindustry

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Honoring Life's Difficult Events

2/15/2017

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Many of us rush about and do not take the time to experience our lives. We wake up, go to work, come home and go to sleep only to wake up and start the cycle all over again. Lest you think I am coming down hard on those who work, I am not. What I mean to say is that we need to live our lives and find the joys when we can. Finding joy is not always the easiest of all tasks. Sometimes we just need to move through the rough events as best we can. Sometimes the rough parts of life have given us secret gifts that aid us further in our lives. These times leave marks on our lives, but they do not have to cripple our future. If we live our lives numb to what is around us, we lose out on so much of our lives.

This week I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook and saw an article, which I wish I had finished about a nursing home changing their procedures around death. What struck me was that they had decided to no longer take the body out the back door anymore but leave through the front door from now on with people gathered to escort them out. It got me thinking about how often in our society we push death aside and wish people would just hurry up and get over someone’s death. Death is part of our lives. We love and we lose those we love in death. As much as we wish this not to be, death happens. We need not sweep their deaths under the rug and pretend it never happened. Those around us can be courageous and come to the memorials or listen to us tell stories when we get back to work. At the least we need not avoid those we know who have had someone they love die recently. That just adds to isolation on all sides. Death can allow us to can reach out of our sheltered lives and bond with each other. We have all known the loss of someone we love. As unpleasant as death is, it is a shared experience. Life gives us opportunities; do not be afraid to acknowledge these difficult events in each other’s lives.

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Changing Landscapes

2/8/2017

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The alternative death care movement has a new book worth reading – Changing Landscapes. Unlike many books on the market, this one is compiled from a variety of contributors. Changing Landscapes gives the reader a variety of topics and approaches towards the same goal – environmentally friendly family lead funerals. I am honored to be one of the contributors of this book. I invite you all to pick up a copy. I don’t think you will be disappointed.
#deathcareeducation, #greenburial, #alternativedeathcare, #familyleadfunerals

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The High Cost of Death

2/1/2017

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The average cost of a funeral in the US is around $9000. Let that sink in a bit, and that does not include cemetery costs. I am often amazed that we as a society allow this. Sure there are states that allow families the right to care for their loved one without a funeral director, but not every one. Just how many citizens know their rights when faced with the death of a loved one? Few of us really know our rights, and the death care industry can be very intimidating. When faced with making decisions at the point of death, many of us would rather just get the details handled and get back to grieving with those we love. What I find so disheartening is that we have allowed an industry to assume the position of authority in one of the most vulnerable and intimate times in our lives. There are other criteria to consider in making death care difficult to acquire. Let us look at the financial side of things.

Perhaps your family does not have to worry about the financial aspect of dealing with death care. Being financially secure is a wonderful thing, but what about those in our community who have little financial support? What about those who have no one? The state will step in for those with little or no means. Some people do not have anyone to claim their bodies in death. There are those, however, when the cost of burial becomes so high that families are left with the gut wrenching decision to leave the body behind. We need to look at this practice with our hearts and minds and consider how we have allow this to happen.

We need to have a gut check. Do we want a society where only the wealthy can die and have a decent burial? When did having a funeral become something we needed to “keep up with the Jones’s”? Why is that we sit by an allow this to continue? For me death care is a social justice issue. People should be allowed to care for their families in death in a decent manner, and not be in a financial bind to do so. What can we do? First, we must know our rights. We can then take the steps, by reading, researching and speaking out about what goes on in our communities in the death care industry. We could contact our representatives and let them know what we think of the present state of affairs. We can speak openly with our friends and family about what we have learned. Perhaps your faith community could start a death care ministry. Exposing the industry and the issues families face goes a long way to enacting change. Perhaps you can find a more creative way to help? Take a step, no matter how small towards a change that will matter in people's lives at one of the most vulnerable times they face..

#familyrights, #costofdyinginus, #socialjustice

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Caroline Vuyadinov

I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity. I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people.

When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level. I became the program manager and loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community. I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences. I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial.

Take Your Time

Honoring Life's Difficult Events

Changing Landscapes

The High Cost of Death

Caroline Vuyadinov

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