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Animals Companions and Death

9/28/2016

When my husband and I purchased our first home, we made sure we had a backyard so that we could have a dog. One of our hotly debated topics during our courtship and into our first years of marriage was what kind of dog would we get. Would we get a terrier or a sheltie? My husband changed my mind and I am now a sheltie lover for life. We loved our first little dog so much. Baraq was a delight to us and a source of great comfort during the bombing in Serbia and again when the towers fell on September 11, 2001. He was also some kind of celebrity in the neighborhood. One day in Gage Park, a little girl came up to us and asked if he was Baraq. We were confounded. To this day, we do not know how he had become so well known in the neighborhood. He had a hard time when we brought home our first son. Once he found a job, he was OK again. A sheltie without a job is an unhappy sheltie. One day, he could not get up. It was a Wednesday morning, and my husband was taking out the garbage. Baraq loved taking out the garbage. He loved barking at the new garbage bags. He could only just raise his head and try to get up. That was the morning we took him to the vet and put him to sleep. What a good little dog he was and how his death still brings me to tears.
Part of the deal with our animal companions is that one-day we might have to decide when it is kind to let them die. It will not be an easy or happy choice we make. We make this choice out of love for them. When is it the right time to make this choice? That can be a difficult answer. With our first dog, the vet told us that he could not recover. The dog my family had when I was in high school had gone to the groomers one day, came home and went to her bed and died. Sometimes we have to make the choice at other times, we don’t, but we must be prepared when faced with a very ill pet. We have to decide what a good life means for them. Do they have all their faculties? Do they know who their humans are? Are they in pain? Do they still want to be social? Are they eating? Are they getting sick? These are the kinds of questions we need to think about when faced with an ill animal companion. They depend on us, and we need to be dependable.

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How to Plan the Plan

9/21/2016

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You know you need to make a funeral plan, but you don’t know where to begin. Here’s a simple outline to get you started:

Who:

Who will be in charge of your body at the time of death? Almost always the person who claims the body is the next of kin. If you do not know who this will be, you need to appoint someone close to you who will take care of your body in death. This person may need to be named in a will or other legal document. Be sure this person will follow your wishes.
Who will perform/lead your funeral or memorial? If you belong to a faith/spiritual community, the leader of your community would most likely lead your funeral. If your family does not belong to the same faith community you could consult those close to you and see who would be willing to take this on. If you wish to have someone outside your family and friends, you could choose a secular celebrant who performs life transitional rites such as funerals.
Who needs to care for/ prepare your body in death? Death Doula? Funeral Director? Faith Community?
Who might be asked to be pallbearers?
Who might be asked to prepare the food? Catered? Potluck?
Who might be asked to prepare the music for the funeral wake or post funeral gathering?
Who needs to be told about your death? Include who should be told who might be outside certain social circles. If you have people you want told, you might want to include their contact information. If you do not wish social media used upon your death, you need to include this as well.

What:

What kind of death you do you want? By this I mean, what medically do you want done to prolong your life? Do you wish to die at home if possible? When is it time for your family to let go? In answering these questions, your family will be better able to make choices when you no longer can. They will also be able to feel more comfortable doing what they know you would wish.

What do you wish to be buried in? Casket or shroud? Urn? What clothes you wish used.
What kind of funeral, wake, post funeral gathering or memorial? If you have specific ideas, make them clear.
What kind of flowers? Maybe you do not wish flowers.
What kind of memorial donations do you wish given?
What kind of burial? Are you concerned about the environment? What steps do you wish taken to be kinder to the earth?
What actions need to be taken to care for your body? Embalming? Green embalming? Natural, simple washing and anointing of the body? Cremation?

Where:

Where should people gather?
Where are you to be buried?
Where are all your documents?

When:

How long after your death should people gather? Some faith communities have specific rules regarding this. Make sure people are aware.

How:

How is this paid for? Have you prepaid anything? If you have made sure you have kept all the documents. If you don’t, the place of purchase might not have had all the best documentation. Things can happen over the years, so keep everything and make sure you know what you’ve already paid for. If you have not prepaid, how will your people get access to the funds you have set aside for your funeral and burial? Do you have an insurance policy? Where is that and how does it work?

Keep in Mind:

Even if you have planned well, you have to have communicated this with your family.
You need to keep in mind what your loved ones are capable of doing for you. If you want something done at your funeral, make sure it is something easily accomplished - physically, financially, and spiritually.
Your death might be difficult for your loved ones, so be as kind as you can in making plans.

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Cremation - Same Game, Same Rules

9/14/2016

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Today, nearly fifty percent of Americans are opting for cremation. In 1958 the percentage was more like twenty-eight percent. We once were more likely to embalm and bury the body. Now we are trending towards cremation. Cremation provides the family many more options and flexibility than the more “conventional” embalming. Because the industry has not offered consumers many options, the consumers now choose cremation -the option that is cost effective and offers more flexibility. Things are shifting. Even the Green Burial Council endorses cremation. A shift has occurred, and it is not necessarily a good one.

People and corporations that form the death care industry will most likely want to maintain their profits. That is natural for business. Everyone needs to put bread on the table. No one should be shocked that with the shift of Americans seeking cremation we have a shift in pricing. This is to be expected. Funeral Consumers Alliance recently released a report on cremation pricing in several parts of the US. According to the report funeral homes using a third party for cremation might price direct cremation one way and add on to the bill the fee the funeral home accrued from the third party for preforming the cremation. Make sure, if this is the way your family has decided to go, you ask about this possible pricing increase.

Cremation has shown the industry that families are not interested in what has been seen as “conventional” funerals or burials. We are an ever-changing society. We have always been a society on the move, and that is as true today as it has ever been in the past. Maybe with the shift from embalming, a more traditional and environmentally friendly burial option might also begin to change the landscape of the death care industry. It took a long time for cremation to begin change to the industry. Maybe natural burial will take as long. I hope not. I find it fascinating that cleaning and preparing the body naturally after death is still not easy to obtain for families who wish to have a simple funeral and burial. If this option is offered, often the funeral home will not “allow” an open casket, even though it is legal and science supports it. For those living in free states, they can opt out of dealing with the death care industry. For the rest of us, we need to be aware of our rights, shop around and make the best choices we can for our family.

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Let's Talk About End of Life

9/7/2016

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I saw my first tree with color yesterday. I think that’s good for us in the North. I have for the last few years seen early color in the trees. They say that early color change does not indicate a rough winter, but I have noticed in my brief life that it does. I began to think about the winter coming and how we hunker down and wait for the winds to die down. Life is rough in the North in winter. We, who know snow and frigid temperatures intimately, know the isolation that winter brings to our lives. Fall reminds us winter is coming. I love the Fall. I love the colors and I love sweaters. I love apple cider and the slight nip in the air. I love it all. I know not everyone does. When the first tree begins to change, we know the light will start to fade. We begin to prepare for the coming season of winter. This time of year we see many memorial festivals in different cultures and religions. Fall might just be a good time to sit down and chat with your family about your end of life wishes.

Our family has an ongoing conversation about death. Not everyone is as comfortable with the topic of death. While the topic of death is not fun, it is an important one to cover with those closest to us. Just this week, I accompanied my mom to the doctor. We had to fill out forms for healthcare power of attorney and a form that allowed her to have a say in end of life choices. We breezed through these fairly quickly, because we had taken the time before hand to talk about these decisions. Find the time now to talk about these kinds of decisions before you are met with real decisions. Decide what kind of care you think is appropriate for your end of life. What kind of death do you want? What kinds of things are OK to sustain life? How do you wish to live out your final days? Do you want to die at home or the hospital? Talk to your loved ones about what life means to you and when it is no longer life. These are tough conversations, but they are essential to have. You do not want to have people guessing when your life comes to the close just what you thought about life and death. People carry terrible guilt with them because they just do not know the answer to this question – When is it OK for my loved one to let go of this life? Our loved ones need to know. They need to feel that they have made a decision you would agree with. We live in wonderful times. We live longer and can prolong life, but with this come the burden of making tough choices. Be kind to those who love you and speak to them about how you feel about the end of life.

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Caroline Vuyadinov

I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity. I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people.

When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level. I became the program manager and loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community. I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences. I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial.

Animals Companions and Death

How to Plan the Plan

Cremation - Same Game, Same Rules

Let's Talk About End of Life

Caroline Vuyadinov

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