We face choices everyday of our lives.  Some choices appear to be small, while others we make form the rest of our lives.  I grew up in a family that spoke freely about death and choices we make at the time of death.  It was generally agreed upon that cremation was the most earth friendly method.  We all wanted to go back to the earth as easily as possible. Having said this, I have not always made the most earth friendly choice for those I loved at the time of their death, mostly because I did not know my rights and the impacts my choices would make on the earth.  I did not always educate my clients at the cemetery about the most ecological manner of burial, but it was through working in the conventional death care industry that lead me to the work I do now. I have and insider understanding of the industry as well as having been I been a client. Today, I advocate for people’s rights and wishes at the time of death and hope that people choose more earth friendly choices. I believe that everyone should have his or her last wishes met if possible, providing it is according to the law. I wish to educate, not make people feel uncomfortable about their choices.

The ideal and greenest of the green burials scenario would be a conservation burial adjacent to conservation land.  In this scenario, the person would be buried in a shroud, preferably a shroud made of a recycled natural material like an old quilt.  The body would be lowered in the grave by ropes or with a shroud board made of local wood, perhaps that even repurposed.  The grave would be dug and filled in by hand.  There would not be a marker, but GPS coordinates that would allow loved ones to find and visit the grave.

Ideals can be hard to reach.  Sometimes we must do what we can and aim in the general direction of our ideals.  We must never feel guilty because we could not accomplish the ideal.  In fact, some of us do not want the greenest of green burials.  Some of us want a marker of some kind. Several certified green cemeteries allow for stone markers, others do not. If you can get local stone, not import it from India or China, you are going down a better road.  Educate yourself and make wise choices.  If you need a few other hints, check out my Five Simple Green Burial Hacks.

Our choices make us who we are.  If we choose to go green, we need to look at our lives and make changes in that direction.  Not many of us are able to go off the grid and live on a homestead raising our own food and generating our own energy.  I, for one, would love to have solar panels on my house, but I cannot do that today.  When we make arrangements or prepare our own plans for burial, we have to take into consideration what we can realistically do.  If we do not have a certified green burial cemetery near by, we make do with what we have.  Like the rest of life, making burial choices is a balancing act.  It might not be possible for us to achieve the ideal state where we do not negatively impact the earth, so make choices with which you can live. Do not be angry with yourself for your past choices; move forward in the knowledge you have gained.  Know that not one of us is perfect.  We are trying to do the best we can.

One of my favourite posts this summer has been Your Body Is Not Disgusting. I based my statements on a Pan American Health Organization article, which stated that for the most part, our bodies after death no longer are able to spread disease and that the living are more of the culprit in spreading disease.  We have seen, however, in the last month the devastation the Ebola has left in West Africa.  Here the normal death rituals must be abandoned if the disease is to end.  Ebola is one of the rare diseases that can spread to others even after death.  Ebola spreads through direct contact with the body and bodily fluids, where pathogens live after the death of the person for some time.

The World Health Organization (WHO) states that when a person with Ebola dies, the body must be cleaned with bleach, and placed in two body bags.  The body is then taken to a grave, and buried approximately six feet under.  No family accompanies the body, and often times the family has no idea where the body has been buried.  The vehicle is also cleaned with bleach.

Let us look at the funeral and burial practices of West Africa to see why this has caused such friction between the people and the medical world that serves them. West African burial rites are not too far removed from many of our own practices, or practices of our grandparents or great grandparents.  The body is cleaned and dressed.  People morn and dance.  At last the mourners gather for the final kiss before the burial, which takes place near the home so that the soul of the one who has died may not be lonely.  My own community has a final kiss.  We too mourn.   I remember dancing in my grandfather’s home following his funeral. Our cultural norms here stem from the wide variety of cultures that compose our own individual families.  We are free to pick and choose which rites speak to us and apply them to our rites of transition.  Death is one of those transitions.  West Africa may not have the flexibility in culture to choose different rites.  These rites are long lived in the fabric of that society.  We may not fully understand since we freely choose how we stage our weddings and funerals.

When people go into the hospital and do not come out; their body taken and buried somewhere the family does not know it gives rise to mistrust and avoidance of medical help.  Then fear helps spread the disease. I do not pretend to know how this can be fixed.  For those facing Ebola, they might not have a mechanism in their culture to easily changed or modify tradition to fix the crisis I hope better communication between the medical world and the people it serves will help create an atmosphere where people will seek help and when death comes, a new or modified form of mourning might take place.

There are a few others of these - bloodborne gastrointestinal respiratory- diseases that might spread disease following death. They require universal precautions and the washing of hands to keep the person handling the bodies from direct contact with bodily fluids.   For the most part, after some time has lapsed and the body has been washed, these bodies do not pose a threat. Others like Creutzfeldt–Jakob Disease pose a risk for the funeral director who opens the body and drain the blood in the embalming procedure.  I recommend reading the Pan American Heath Organization’s article: Infectious disease risks from dead bodies following natural disasters.  I found it very interesting and provides a thorough explanation of death and disease.

In General, if you leave the body intact and do not embalm the body, the body once cleaned should not cause trouble unless you have Ebola.  Leaving our bodies intact is the best way to keep our environment healthy.  In test of ground water around cemeteries, the water shows evidence of decay, but it does not spread far and is due mostly to products used in the death care industry (coffins and embalming fluid).  Our bodies are not usually disgusting, but once in awhile there comes a disease like Ebola which throws that idea out the window, and we must take steps to make sure the bodies are taken care of in a particular manner. 

Usually I talk about death care industry, but today I am writing about depression and suicide. When people hear about such a dramatic and tragic death like that of Robin Williams,it can lead to more suicides. When the funniest man in America can’t find the way to the light, it might make some of us wonder if anyone can. The light can be found.  I grew up loving people living with depression. Depression is real with physical and mental symptoms. Today, about 1 in 10 Americans suffers from depression. The number increases by 20% each year.   Depression does not discriminate.  There may be are certain segments of our population with a higher risk of living with depression, but it can strike anyone.  Depression is a dark pit and even with love and support around a person, the depression feels overwhelming at times.  Some can find ways to live with depression; others can no find a way.   Remember, even if you do all the right things that are supposed to help, in the end the depression might take them.  You are not to blame.  Depression is tricky, but there is help and there is treatment. Today, I have resources for those living with depression, those at risk for suicide, and those who love them.

1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention

National Alliance on Mental Issues
Risk Factors for Suicide

American Psychiatric Association
Page on Depression
From here you can search any one of a number of pages on mental health

David Baldwin’s Trauma Information Pages
Trauma Information

Children’s Grief
Understanding children’s grief process

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
So much information available here

Help Guide
For people loving people living with depression
General helpful guide on grief in general


A special thanks goes out to my dear friend, Linda Kozler who helped me gather all this information.

In my early twenties, I learned about many Serbian traditions.  One tradition that I loved was the leaving of food on the graves of those they love. I had just lost my Granddad and missed him so much. After hearing about this tradition, I wanted to leave him some peppermint candy on his grave.  Every year at Christmas, I would give Granddad large sticks of peppermint candy. He so enjoyed breaking up those huge peppermint sticks.  When I was able to make the trip to Indiana, I left him some candy on his grave.  I longed for connection and remembered Granddad and our special relationship.  A year my father in-law-died, we trekked down to the cemetery to pray, anoint the grave with wine and leave a little bit of food.  As we turned to leave we noticed  a Chinese family setting up a picnic by a grave, not far from Tata’s. Here we were doing similar things, and worlds apart culturally, yet connected in our loss.  At Mama’s six-month memorial, we again went to her grave for prayers, and shared coffee and cake with her. How sad we were all on the grave wishing we could have one more coffee with her, she who always served coffee to each of us.

I recently went to a cemetery attached to a monastery near our house. I love this cemetery because people here are free to memorialize the graves, as they like.  I took these photos on a recent trip to this cemetery. These images speak to the loss of connection with those who have gone ahead, the longing to be nearer to them and the remembrance a relationship once shared.