Food Left on Graves: a Serbian Tradition and an Act of Remembrance

Coke and Coffee

In my early twenties, I learned about many Serbian traditions.  One tradition that I loved was the leaving of food on the graves of those they love. I had just lost my Granddad and missed him so much. After hearing about this tradition, I wanted to leave him some peppermint candy on his grave.  Every year at Christmas, I would give Granddad large sticks of peppermint candy. He so enjoyed breaking up those huge peppermint sticks.  When I was able to make the trip to Indiana, I left him some candy on his grave.  I longed for connection and remembered Granddad and our special relationship.  A year my father in-law-died, we trekked down to the cemetery to pray, anoint the grave with wine and leave a little bit of food.  As we turned to leave we noticed  a Chinese family setting up a picnic by a grave, not far from Tata’s. Here we were doing similar things, and worlds apart culturally, yet connected in our loss.  At Mama’s six-month memorial, we again went to her grave for prayers, and shared coffee and cake with her. How sad we were all on the grave wishing we could have one more coffee with her, she who always served coffee to each of us.

I recently went to a cemetery attached to a monastery near our house. I love this cemetery because people here are free to memorialize the graves, as they like.  I took these photos on a recent trip to this cemetery. These images speak to the loss of connection with those who have gone ahead, the longing to be nearer to them and the remembrance a relationship once shared.

A Bottle of Beer