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Change is Like a Little Death - Part 2

1/24/2018

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For the last few weeks, I have been grieving a monumental change in my daily life.  I am not, nor are those close to me facing imminent death, but the loss feels monumental none-the-less.  When I lived in Canada, my father loved going to my local grocery store, Fortinos every time Mom and he would come to town.  My father waited almost five years before a fabulous grocery store, Joseph’s, opened in his own town.  I remember vividly Dad taking my first born and me to Joseph’s. He loved store’s dedicated aisles to different ethnic groups, its produce and meat department. Joseph’s had a wide variety of unusual products.  If needs be, you could purchase a pig’s head.  I am not too sure what one does with a pig’s head, but I knew where you would need to go to purchase one. 
 
When I moved here, I felt the loss of my dear grocery store, but I had Joseph’s.  Through the years I shopped there regularly.  When I need to make a Serbian dish, I could go there and know they would have the ingredients that a “regular” grocer would not carry.  The store allowed a person to explore a variety of different ethnic cuisines.  If you were adventurous, you could begin your culinary journey at Joseph’s. 
 
Then, about two weeks ago, I walked into Joseph’s.  I noticed many shelves were empty.  I could not purchase any canned tomatoes and the pasta isle looked like locusts had descended.  I found what I needed, and then I went to check out only to find one checkout lane open.  I had been there a just few days before.  I had chatted with a butcher who told me a product I was interested in would always be in stock.  It was not like I had been away for weeks. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach.  I went home and check out the Facebook page, rumors were swirling about its closing.  I went into denial.  It took me a week to get up enough nerve to ask someone at the store about the rumor.  Then the news hit the papers.  I spent time purchasing food that I could freeze or store.  I bounced around denial, anger and bargaining for more than a week. 
 
Why would a store closing cause such a disruption?  I have been through stores closing before.  While that is often a sad time, I am not usually disturbed by it. Then it hit me.  I am responsible for making sure family recipes remain part of the family.  I am the one left standing who plans the feasts and prepares the food to create and maintain family tradition.  Because of the family I married into, there are important ethnic recipes that I make.  These often have components that the mainstream North American grocery store would not carry.  I loved having a local store where I could go and get these so that I could keep the Serbian flavour in the family.  The other aspect of the loss has to do with losing my father.  Going there would remind me of him.  I miss him.  Losing this store reminds me keenly of the loss of my father.  The closing reminds me of how much I have already lost, and how I have tried to maintain connection to those I love. 
 
This week, I have decided that since Joseph’s is breaking up with me, I need to see other stores.  I am currently on the lookout for a new ethnic store. I have already looked about a bit, and I am planning in the next few weeks to check out more stores.  I have come to accept the reality of my present circumstances and am moving forward.  I will broaden my horizons and maybe I can find an even better shop that will meet my needs.  Maybe I will take my friend up on teaching me how to ferment my own cabbage leaves.  We will see.  Sometimes it takes a while to sort through feelings before reaching acceptance.  I have to say, I like living in acceptance more that the grief process, but the process often teaches me things I would not otherwise have seen or known.  I will miss the convenience of Joseph’s and the memories I have of shopping there with Dad.

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    Caroline Vuyadinov


    I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity.  I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people. 

    When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level.  I became the program manager and  loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community.  I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

    Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak  to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences.  I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial. 

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