Document Your Story

On perhaps one of the worst days of our lives, my husband and I sat side by side at his father’s funeral listening to the priest give the eulogy.   The previous day, my mother-in-law and her sister-in-law had sat together writing the eulogy.  Mama had decided that the story of Tata defecting and landing in prison only to defect successfully once released was not to be included. It was somehow disgraceful to mention he was imprisoned for his beliefs. No mention of how a boy too poor to attend school ended up learning five languages. We did not hear that his one dream of having a family living in freedom was realized through amazing feats of self-sacrifice and determination. What we heard was a tribute to my husband, who was horrified.  Afterwards, he told me that under no circumstance was there to be a eulogy at his funeral since he already had one. I have no idea what my father-in-law would have wanted to have included in his tribute, but I hope he would have wanted one that highlighted his time on Earth or one that demonstrated how much we loved him and appreciated his hard work and love towards us all.  He was a wonderful man and I miss him dearly.
With the advent of social media today, we are inundated all the time with media.  Because of this we are more likely than not to have a multimedia tribute included at a wake or funeral.  For those of us who were born and had a whole life before social media, so much of our life is left undocumented. For most of us who fall under this heading we don’t mind too much.  On the other hand what this means for our family and friends is that when we die, they might be left wondering what to include in our story.  When you make your plan for your funeral and burial, include biographical information.   It does not have to be every little thing that you have done, but perhaps it could include things that you are most proud of, interesting information about your achievements or ideas you have held dear to your heart.  Some people might write out their eulogy, but not everyone feels comfortable with that process. You need only create a document that is easy to read; it does not need to be a narrative in any way.   You could also make a data base of old family photographs. Most of us have a hard time saying good things about ourselves, but don’t let that hinder this process. Think rather that you are making a document for the future, a document that might help people frame your life, and a document that might help others remember the fun things of your life. Through this documentation those who love you most will have a starting point to remember you through laughter and love.  Remember to save the document in more than one place and in more than one way.  Make a hard copy as well as a digital copy.  Put it in a place that it will more likely be found.  Tell at least two trusted persons where to locate your final wishes. Remember when we plan, we make things easier for those who are left to make the choices for us after we are gone.  We cannot control what happens - we can only make it easier for them.