Family in Death Care Planning

The truth of the matter is that when you die, the next of kin has the power to make decisions about your funeral and burial.  You might have a plan paid for, but the family can still make changes when the time comes to actually enact the plan. Finances come into play often when families make a change.  I have sat with families who have made changes to the plan when one small detail was not paid for beforehand. The price was too much for the family.  The plan needed to change. I think we all have specific ideas about our own funerals.  Sometimes the ideas are just too much for the family to deal with, and so the plan changes. We have in our minds what we want for our family, but for one reason or another, they just cannot be done. Some plans we hold in our minds sound to us like a wonderful idea, but in reality become a burden to those we love. 

On the other hand, some families have made drastic changes to a person’s plans.  I know of a person who died belonging to a specific faith community, but the person’s child was clergy in another community.  Needless to say, the person got the funeral the child wanted.  Why would someone do this? I cannot be sure.  Sometimes we act in grief in ways we would not otherwise do in life.  It could be that this person felt out of control and this was the way he or she could deal with the death.  It could also be that the relationship was broken in some way, and this was the way it manifested the brokenness.  I could not tell you.  I do not know.  What I do know is that maintaining a good and open relationship in life will help at the time of death when things need to get taken care of in a short period of time.

What can we do to make a plan and make sure it is something our loved ones can handle? We must talk about our death and our death plans with those closest to us.  You do not have to have an iron-clad plan to begin talking with your family about death.  In reality, you might need to have more than one conversation about death.  Talking about death is not always fun for most people.  Even I do not like to talk about my death or those I love.  When you do talk about your plans, make sure that they are financially appropriate to your situation.  That way your family will not feel compelled to do things they just cannot do or feel guilty about not doing part of your plan.  The other thing we need to do is to care for our relationships in life. Make sure you keep open communication and mend fences with those who will be in charge of your body in death. Do this not so that you get your way for your funeral, but so that your life will be more joyful, and beautiful.  Having a funeral that goes according to plan should just be the byproduct of a good life.