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Gentleness in Life and Death - Green Burial

1/7/2015

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When I sat down and thought what kind of change I wanted to see in my life this year, I kept going back to the thought of gentleness.  I think I need gentleness and I think the world could do with more of it as well. I thought I might take a daring step in the direction of being gentle with myself and not get caught up with a whole lot of why something did not go the way I had hoped or wanted, but to pick myself up, acknowledge what did not work and why and start again.  I will not engage in overwhelming self-blame and judgment.  I will move forward and try once more. Then I thought that if I was going to try to be gentle with myself, I thought I might as well be gentle with those around me. I do not know everything going on in everyone’s life, but if it’s like mine, I know they could do with more gentleness too. 

When I think of gentleness, I think of ease of movement, thought and action.  I think of a ballet dancer as she moves across the floor.  I know it takes great effort, but there is also a fluidity of movement and purpose.  Perhaps practiced over and over again, I too can move with gentleness through life. Gentleness also makes me think of a summer breeze when the trees sway and you can smell the ground and the flowers.  To me that is also gentleness.  In this way, the action is a natural action, and one of singular beauty, but tender all the same.  A summer breeze denotes a sense of simplicity and relaxation to me, a sense that the harshness of winter has passed and we are in the season of growth and green light.  Finally when I think of gentleness, I think of love between friends especially when hardship is upon one or both.  The friends join together to meet the hardship, and by doing so, make the hardship easier to manage. These are the things I want more in all aspects of my life. If I want them in life, I also want them in death.

When I think about my wishes at death, all I want is gentleness.  I want my body washed, as it was when I was a babe and have essential oils applied to my skin.  I want to be swaddled in a shroud for my burial.  I want people to join together and tell stories, laugh, and cry.  I want my body to return to the earth from whence it came, dissolving back into the earth, and nourishing what it can.  I do not want the harshness offered by the death care industry.  Gentleness is what green burial is all about – gentleness with the body, the family and the earth.  I think sometimes we get caught by the machine of the death care industry and forget that our death is our death, and the last word we want to leave might just be a simple gentle message of love.  Let us walk toward gentleness even in death, reclaiming the ways of our ancestors, and placing our choices back in our own hands where they belong.  Let us be gentle with each other and nature in death, as we desire to be in life.

1 Comment
susan morris link
1/7/2015 03:49:03 am

so beautiful to read

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    Caroline Vuyadinov


    I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity.  I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people. 

    When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level.  I became the program manager and  loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community.  I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

    Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak  to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences.  I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial. 

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