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Helping Face Death

6/3/2015

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Death can happen anytime and sometimes without warning.  Naturally, when someone close to us suffers grief, we want to help them in anyway we can.  Some of us would love to help plan a memorial event.  The fact of the matter is that we cannot help unless asked.  I have attended funerals of someone I know, and see that the family has picked out a metal or an obviously expensive coffin.  I am saddened by it, and I will never say a word to them about it.   Our job as close family members or friends is to support those who have lost someone, not tell them they have done something wrong.

There are those who I believe are obligated to help families plan funerals and burials.  I believe that members of the clergy must play a central role in assisting members of their congregation prepare for death and all the rituals that follow.  Clergy are often one of the first ones called in a death and should have a basic understanding of the death care industry and how it works.  I know one clergy member who attends every meeting at the funeral home with his people.  Some members of the industry do not like clergy attending. Some clergy do not feel that it is their place to be with the family as they make choices about a funeral.  I am of the opinion, that having an objective person benefits families not only with the religious aspect of the funeral, but to help his or her people who are often overwhelmed in the face of planning the funeral.

So, what of those who do not belong to a spiritual community?  Are they at the mercy of the industry?  I hope not.  I hope that those who read this blog and books of similar topics will be ready when and if someone asks for your advice. When someone close to you dies, offer your time and let the family know you will do what they need for you to do.  If you are open about death, those around you will know that you are someone they can approach.  It’s a great gift to them that someone they know will not flinch when death is the topic.  Don’t be fooled.  I have brought down more parties and gotten more odd looks in restaurants while talking about death than I care to count.  I will go right on speaking.  I might not give all the details, but I will continue to speak and I encourage you to as well.  Our free words about such a taboo subject help bring death out of the closet one conversation at a time.  In doing this, we help those around us.

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    Caroline Vuyadinov


    I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity.  I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people. 

    When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level.  I became the program manager and  loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community.  I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

    Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak  to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences.  I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial. 

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