Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

​I recall two poignant conversations I had regarding pregnancy loss.  The first conversation took place when I was in seminary; one of the community members had lost her child at full term.  One of my fellow students, who was usually very kind and sensitive, did not understand how the community could reel from a loss of someone who had never drawn breath.  I tried to explain it to him, but I am not sure he understood.  He probably does now that he has had a full life of experiences to draw on.  The second conversation occurred when I worked at a halfway house for women on parole.  One of our clients lost a baby at full term.  The loss rocked the house.  One of my coworkers and I were discussing how pregnancy loss used to be like when we were younger.  She spoke about her mother who had lost a child to miscarriage.  She said her mother could not or did not feel she could grieve publicly. My coworker recalled how she would sometimes hear her mother weeping behind closed doors when her mother did not think anyone was around.   She remembered how sad it would make her and how she never understood why her mother was weeping until she was much older.
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October is designated as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and internationally many countries designate October 15 as the specific day to remember those lost in pregnancy or as infants. We have come so far from the days when people did not feel that they could morn loss of someone so young. No longer do we need to feel that we do not have a right to morn a loss, and especially those who were lost at such a young age. Having said all this, I do think that we could move even further along the path of understanding.  Perhaps, even if we do not personally understand this kind of loss, we could remember that we do not personally have to understand.  We need only need to be there for those we know who are in pain, and let them grieve as they need to grieve.