Beyond the Pall
New Post Every Wednesday
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact

Visiting Graves -Serbian Orthodox Style

6/24/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture


This last weekend when we went to my father’s grave, we grabbed what we call our portable church and small bottle of red wine and headed out.  I don’t always take the box or wine with me, but the portable church comes in handy when we gather as a group at the grave.  My husband and I put together the portable church when his father died so that we would have everything we needed when we visited the grave.  In this dollar store box we gathered: coal, incense, foil for the coal, candles and printed prayers.  Over the years we added the small hand cross and a book of prayers for the sick and suffering, which we added when my mother-in-law was in the hospital after her fall.  We added the coal tongs, something I inherited from my father after his death, which makes lighting coal for the incense so much easier.  We keep the candles in the box even though the cemeteries we frequent have no place to leave candles.  I suppose hope springs eternal. 

Why do we bring wine to a grave?  I know I would have wondered too.  My father-in-law’s death taught me many things, but one of the most important things was what we do at the graves of our loved ones-Serbian Style.  The day following his funeral, when all the fervor died down, the closest family members got into a car and drove to the cemetery.   We brought wine with us.  My husband prayed and blessed the grave with the wine.   There we were in our grief, just those closest to Tata, blessing the grave.  It remains such a beautiful and sorrowful memory for me.  My husband later worried that no one would pour wine on his grave.  He need not have worried.  Our first-born was born just a month and a half following my father-in-law’s death so our children have visited graves all their lives.  When they were very little I would take the boys to Deda’s (Grandfather’s) grave.  They must have seen us use wine because my youngest realizing I had no wine with us, poured some juice from his sippy cup on his Deda’s grave.  This last weekend, it was he who volunteered to bless his Granddad’s grave with wine.

Why would we bless graves with wine?  It seems perhaps pagan.  Quite possibly it began in pre-Christian times.  I am almost sure of that.  What I love so much about Orthodoxy is that we can incorporate different cultural and religious aspects into the prayer life of the church.  We “baptize” them so to speak. The wine is simply a blessing of the grave done by the laity (those not ordained to the priesthood). 

We gather at graves and offer prayers for our loved ones.  Prayer for us is an act of love.  When we pray for the dead, we affirm our belief that even though we die, we are alive in Christ.  Since Orthodoxy has a strong belief in the holiness of the created, we incorporate different aspects of creation when we pray: incense from the tree, beeswax candles from the bees, wine from grapes etc.   Not all orthodox take wine to graves, not all bring incense with them, but we all pray at the graves.  I married into a Serbian family, so I have taken on Serbian traditions.  I cannot speak to Russian, Greek or Arabic traditions.  I would love to know how we differ on visiting graves.  The next time you see people gathered at a grave pouring wine on a grave, you might have a better understanding as to what is going on. 

1 Comment
Serbian Princess
11/7/2017 08:27:10 am

Thank you for sharing your stories. Your blog has offered us comfort and new ideas for helping my mother-in-law deal with her husband’s passing. Like you, I have married into this wonderful culture. I am grateful.

Reply



Leave a Reply.



    RSS Feed

    Caroline Vuyadinov


    I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity.  I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people. 

    When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level.  I became the program manager and  loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community.  I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

    Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak  to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences.  I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial. 

    Archives

    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014

    Categories

    All
    Children's Graves
    Comunicalbe Disease And Burial Practice
    Cremation
    Cremation Urns
    Cultural Conflicts And Medical World
    Death Of A Child
    Depression
    Ebola
    Family Rights
    Fear Of Death
    Fr-thomas-hopko
    Funeral Laws
    Funeral Planning
    Garden Memorial
    Green Burial
    Grieving Parents
    Heirloom Seeds
    History
    Infant Death
    Live Streaming Funerals
    Mausoleums
    Memorial
    Memorialization
    No Embalming
    Non Religious
    Orthodox
    Orthodox Christian Grave Practices
    Pre Planning
    Pre-planning
    Remembering The Dead
    Serbian Cemetery Rites
    Suicide
    Tree-memorials
    Vaults
    Zito

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly